Porque há dias em que não sabemos em que havemos de pensar

Now I wish I could writhe something, not because I wish that someone could read me, but just because I wish that my mind could have some conclusion. In this moment my mind it’s like a new TV set in the hands of a little boy, zapping between posts, to fast to understand any thing, too slow to run away from reality.

I’m thinking about my live, when I was at the 12º grade, with my friends and my family and I feel sad because I miss it and I know that I will never more have it back. But then again I’m thinking about my dream with my father, so real but so strange, and I feel anxious because I saw him so near but I know he's so far. But then again I’m thinking about my school changing and I feel afraid to fail. But then again I thinking about my father and all this story about his death and I feel angry, it just don’t make any sense, if I don’t ever see him appear in my live why do I have to see him disappear? But then again I’m thinking about my mother alone, sad and with so many problems and I feel useless. And then again I thinking about my friends and the way I talk to them and I feel boring. But then again… I stop thinking for a few second’s… I look around, I see so many people, and I feel lonely.

I arrive to a time when I know that I’m strong but I feel weak, when I don’t do almost nothing but I feel tired… when I know I’m smart but I don’t understand anything.

Like someone said: there’s a time in live that we have to face changings… changings that we never thought that could had happen yesterday… There's a time in live that we have to say goodbye to those who were always next to us… There’s a time in live that we wish to give up everything, and just stay quiet and alone but we have to face our afraid. And these times arrive for me.

I don’t need that person have peaty of me because I believe that in nature everything is in equilibrium. So if this is happening to me it mean’s that I can handle it.

In this moment I can feel weak and happy for the past I had, sad for the present I’m living, but I feel that I will, one of these days, wake stronger than ever for the future. Like once my brother said:

“Aquilo que na vida não nos mata, torna-nos mais fortes.”